Yesterday I went for a skin cancer check.
Something that is, or should be, routine in this beautiful, sunny part of the world.
The doctor checked me over and froze a few patches of skin with comforting words of ‘nothing to worry about there.’ Then he checked a tiny patch of dry skin at the top of my nose. ‘Let’s get you back in and cut that one out. We’ll do a quick biopsy on it.’ Again, lots of well-meaning words, ‘It’s a bit like gardening and weeding...we just keep an eye out for these little things and get them out before they grow.’
Walking out of the surgery into the beautiful, sunny afternoon, voices of fear birthed themselves, spreading like a dark mist through my mind. Cancer themed stories played in front of my eyes, spinning faster and faster until they were all I could see. ‘I should cancel scouts tonight. I am sure Noah (my 10-year-old boy) will be ok. I just need some space, I just need…’ the thoughts continued to rage.
Then, somewhere in the gap in-between the thoughts, I felt a drop of stillness. I followed it, away from the storms blowing in my mind and felt the droplets begin to multiply. Peace was returning to my body, pulling back the dark veil of fear.
In that moment I felt one thing, so clearly.
Life is nothing but a series of steps,
where our choice is either to live with love, and as love, or fear.
The peace now felt like a river of love, flowing through me and I knew, with all of me that I was choosing to be present and in love.
No matter what comes. When pain and fear grip me again, I will feel my way back to the droplets, back to peace and live whatever moments I am blessed with, in and as love.
(This popped up as a memory, so all you kind people who may be worrying, no need. I got the all-clear on the biopsy and a beautiful lesson on life that I hope helps you.)